Maggie and Mama

Today, like a lot of days every week, Maggie and I made our solo (or technically duo) trek to Townville. When we travel to Townville, it's usually pretty quiet days. If Daddy is actually there, he will hold Maggie on and off (giving himself a time limit on the clock, but if you know Daddy, then you understand that) and read her books. She absolutely loves him. When he walks in the room or she hears some one say anything about Granddaddy, her face lights up and she starts saying "Da da Da da!" over and over again.

I've split my T-ville days into specific duties. On Monday (or sometimes Tuesday, whichever) I generally cook...and when I say cook, I mean really really cook. Like 6 or 7 hours of cooking. The goal is to fill enough plates in the refrigerator of home cooked food, so that Daddy doesn't have to eat out. He is tired of eating out, says that he hates sitting there alone, eating food that isn't homemade, and then coming home to his house alone afterwards. I can understand that. Better to just come home alone and at least eat good food when you get there. So, there's always the cooking day.

The other day is spent cleaning and doing his laundry. Always 4 loads, one nice colors and darks, one with jeans, one of nice whites, and one of Michelin whites (those are the not so nice whites). Over the years, Mama trained Daddy to put his Michelin whites in a separate location from his others clothes. They're really that bad. I guess that's what working with rubber will do. So, after all those years of getting so irritated at him when he combined his laundry time after time, he has finally grasped the concept. So, the other day is spent doing laundry...a lot of laundry and cleaning the house.

Today was a cooking day. Mag and I started out by going grocery shopping in the ghetto. That would be Quality Foods, which is definitely the cheapest place to buy meat. And Daddy eats a lot of meat so for him, that's where we go. We got home and instead of taking her normal nap, Mag was ready to play. She loves playing out there. Better even than her own house. I don't know what it is, but I can always get a lot of work done out there and she just entertains herself.

I was going back and forth between feeding her lunch and baking cookies and as I stood at the stove, I heard her laugh. If you know Maggie then you know that she doesn't just laugh for the heck of it. I turned around to ask my silly child what she was laughing at. Immediately, I stopped in my tracks. She was looking towards the other side of the kitchen, but at something close to her that I couldn't see. Her little hand was waving and she was laughing over and over and smiling into what appeared to be only air to me. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I knew without a doubt that Mama was standing right beside her playing with her baby Maggie. I just sat there and watched as Maggie looked back and forth between me and Mama. Waving her little hand with the biggest smile on her face and laughing. I told her to tell Mama hey for me. Unmistakable moment that just reminded me for a split second that Mama isn't far away at all. I know she was in the kitchen with me and Maggie, I could feel her, and Maggie could see her, and best of all, Maggie knew her.

Happy Birthday, Granddaddy...

I'm not one to normally get very sad on this little Maggie Sunshine blog, but just let it be said that we have survived another family holiday without our centerpiece. Definitely not easy and I think Sue said it best when she said that more than anything, she was sad for Daddy today who was spending his 54th birthday and the first birthday without his spouse. It's definitely so much to absorb and it's pretty sad to think about him being at the little house in Townville tonight by himself. That's just the new "way it is", though.


Tonight was 10 months since Mama left. It is sinking in little by little that this really isn't a joke, this is really very real. It's really true that this is the first 10 months of the rest of our lives without our Mama, Daddy's wife, and Maggie's Grandmama. I don't really believe we'll ever "get better" or "move on", I just believe that we'll learn how to mold into the new life that has become our "normal".


A heartbreaking sight is when Daddy picks up Maggie, carries her through the house, stops in front of the famous and beautiful picture of Mama at our wedding reception, and says, "Maggie, who's that? Can you say Grandmama?" And Maggie just stares at her like she knows. I believe she does. Daddy says it's his way of making sure Maggie knows who Mama is.

Mama on her 50th Birthday

The last picture ever taken of the original 5

One proud Grandmama and her little Margaret Denise

A proud Granddaddy with his first Grandbaby

I might be foolish for formulating these little idealistic ideas that Mama isn't completely gone, but she told me that she would be with us all and that when we were rocking our babies, she would be looking over our shoulders. Right there with us.

I miss her so so so much and days like this just bring it all a little closer. I don't ever want to forget anything about her. I have a Mama. I always will have a Mama who is with me. Maggie has a Grandmama that is just as much with her as if we could reach out and touch her. Some days it's hard to believe that, but I have to keep believing that. That's the only way I won't forget.