Happy Birthday, Granddaddy...

I'm not one to normally get very sad on this little Maggie Sunshine blog, but just let it be said that we have survived another family holiday without our centerpiece. Definitely not easy and I think Sue said it best when she said that more than anything, she was sad for Daddy today who was spending his 54th birthday and the first birthday without his spouse. It's definitely so much to absorb and it's pretty sad to think about him being at the little house in Townville tonight by himself. That's just the new "way it is", though.


Tonight was 10 months since Mama left. It is sinking in little by little that this really isn't a joke, this is really very real. It's really true that this is the first 10 months of the rest of our lives without our Mama, Daddy's wife, and Maggie's Grandmama. I don't really believe we'll ever "get better" or "move on", I just believe that we'll learn how to mold into the new life that has become our "normal".


A heartbreaking sight is when Daddy picks up Maggie, carries her through the house, stops in front of the famous and beautiful picture of Mama at our wedding reception, and says, "Maggie, who's that? Can you say Grandmama?" And Maggie just stares at her like she knows. I believe she does. Daddy says it's his way of making sure Maggie knows who Mama is.

Mama on her 50th Birthday

The last picture ever taken of the original 5

One proud Grandmama and her little Margaret Denise

A proud Granddaddy with his first Grandbaby

I might be foolish for formulating these little idealistic ideas that Mama isn't completely gone, but she told me that she would be with us all and that when we were rocking our babies, she would be looking over our shoulders. Right there with us.

I miss her so so so much and days like this just bring it all a little closer. I don't ever want to forget anything about her. I have a Mama. I always will have a Mama who is with me. Maggie has a Grandmama that is just as much with her as if we could reach out and touch her. Some days it's hard to believe that, but I have to keep believing that. That's the only way I won't forget.